The parallels to the children and adults we work with are huge.  This morning I flashed back to a young 8 year old boy that I worked with. He had one of those histories that makes you sick to your stomach to read.  You just sit there and think, “How in the world could someone do those things to a child?”  He was a beautiful young boy that trusted no one.  He had been in and out of different foster families since coming into the system at age 5.  His behaviors were so out of control that they were looking at possibly placing him in a residential treatment facility at the young age of 8.  The current foster care home he was placed in had a real shot at turning into an adoption but only if they could get his destructive and violent behaviors under control.  The family had grown to love him, but didn’t feel safe with him. 

We started working with the boy and he soon showed his behaviors in the arena – chasing away the horses when they didn’t do exactly what he wanted, throwing objects at them if they dared turn their back or look away.  When the horses were working with him he would through a kink in it by pushing the horses or yelling at them –then state “See I told you they don’t like me.” This little boy truly did everything in his power to push away any one,but he also desperately wanted them to be with him.  It was his way or the highway, so to speak. 

The interesting thing was he was drawn to the bigger horses in the field.  When given the option topick a horse for the day he always wanted to work with the “big guys”. When asked what that was about he always stated that they were free and liked to play.  The word “free” is used constantly by the clients we work with – how interesting is it that even an 8 year old knows that he was stuck, still a captive of his past in his current thoughts and behaviors.  With the bigger horses we focused a lot on “safety” not instructing him on what horse safety was, but on when he thought a situation was “safe” and when it wasn’t.  We focused on the horse’s body language and on his and when he made the situation “unsafe”, because of his actions.  This had huge parallels into his own life because he often made home and school unsafe because of his behaviors.  We worked on what he could do the change things from “unsafe” to safe and then finally from just “safe” to a“happy/free” place.

One day, he picked the big horse, Diesel again.  However this day the horse was still out in our main field with the other “big” horses including some of the younger rescue horses.  They were all the way at the far side and the little boy decided he wanted to go and get Diesel out on his own.  I asked him one question – what do you need to be safe?  He stated “Nothing,I got this.”  With hesitation on my part,out in the field we went.  He had learned that horses responded to his whistle so he proceeded to start whistling and calling for Diesel.  He got way more then he bargained for.  All four horses raised their heads, flicked their ears a couple of time then took off at a dead gallop straight towards us. 

This was one of those moments when I was thinking, “Ok kid,time's up.”  I felt that I needed to move him back over the fence, but I was able to fight that urge and wait it out.  The little boy started to back upon his own move behind me.  The horses were getting closer now and were galloping, bucking, and playing their way across the open field.  When they were almost to us he jumped the fence and was smiling.  We I joined him on the other side I asked what the smile was about.  He thought,then said “I was scared, but I really wanted to stay and play with them.”  I asked if he was scared now.  He said “No, because the fence keeps me safe.”  I then asked what the “fence” was in his real life.  Again he thought for a second then said it was the rules his foster parents set-up for him

The horses arrived at the fence but were still in a playful mood.  They ran the fence line kicking out, rearing up, and bucking out.  The boy asked if he could play with them too, but with the “rules” in place.  I told him “Sure, go for it.“ The next 10 minutes we stood and watched as the little boy ran up and down the fence line with the horses truly playing with him. If one reared he would mimic by pawing his arms and hands in the air,then run down the other end kicking out in the same way.  When he settled down to a walk so did all four horses on the other side.  When he stopped, they did as well.  What an amazing moment to watch him play with the horses – give and take with their needs and wants and his own needs and wants, staying within the “rules” to stay safe, but having fun! 

At the end of the session we processed the experience with the foster parents. They were amazed that he put the two concepts together on his own.  He was so proud of himself!  Foster mom and dad stated at the next session that they only had to remind him of the “fence” when he started to push boundaries and he would back up on his own and apologize.  That day, that moment of play, was a turning point for him; one that led to lasting change and eventually being adopted by the foster family.  This is the “why” of what we do - seeing these life changing moments happen, one client at a time.