For this moment in time I would like to share one of the most memorable sessions I have co-facilitated over the past 11 years as an Equine Specialist (ES) during Equine Assisted Psychotherapy sessions.  I was working at a residential treatment facility as an ES and riding instructor.  The facility worked with at-risk youth that were exhibiting extreme behavioral outbursts or emotional needs and were not able to be in a home environment.  Many of the residents were either coming out of a locked facility or this was there last stop before being sent to a locked facility.

For this particular session I was working with a 15 year old girl that had been in the foster care system since she was very young.  She had been in and out of foster homes, residential homes and detention centers.  She had a lack of self trust, and a habit of self-sabotage and acting out whenever she felt too attached to a family.  She was currently under consideration for adoption, however she was exhibiting old behavioral and emotional patterns as the adoption process became more real to her.  

The therapist had hit a wall with her in traditional talk therapy.  She was aware of her destructive patterns but was not willing to try and change them.  We were about 4 weeks into her EAP sessions when she made a huge breakthrough during one session on a hot summer day with a rescued thoroughbred gelding named Barry.

The activity was “Ground Tie”.  She was directed to ask the horse to stay in a ground tie while she went and completed a task.  The goal was for the horse to remain standing in the same place while she moved around.  This activity works well for goals such as learning to set positive boundaries, learning how to establish clear communication and expectations, and learning how to problem solve.

Barry was loose in the outdoor arena with grass footing and was munching away when she approached him.  He picked up his head long enough for her to place the halter on him, then went back to eating.  The girl pulled softly on the rope at first and used what I like to call the “baby talk” voice “Please come here, come over here, pleeeaassee…” and so on for a few minutes.  When Barry did not respond she started to tug on the rope and her voice changed into a harsher, “Pick up your head up, come on this is taking too long, stupid horse – PICK YOUR HEAD UP”.  Neither the therapist nor I were shocked at how quickly she went from begging to demanding the horse to pay attention to her… this was her MO.  This behavior and dance continued for the next 10 minutes, with the horse walking where and when he wanted eating the whole time.

At about the 10 minute mark she had hit her threshold; the therapist asked me if we should ask her if she needed a time-out to regroup.  I was watching Barry and he was starting to shift.  His ears were now flicked toward her; he had stopped eating, but his head was still next the ground and he was watching her.   He had also turned his body to square up to her.  I suggested we wait a bit more and see what happens. 

What happened was a breakdown at first.  She picked up a plastic cone and hurled it at Barry and started to scream and curse at him.  My initial response was to call a freeze and go from there, but I was still watching Barry. His response to throwing the cone was to sidestep it and move closer to her, ears still pricked forward, head still low – there was no fear in his body, his tail wasn’t swishing, his eyes remained soft, he was still just staring at her and following her.  I pulled my therapist back toward me and said we need to follow his lead and just wait this out. 

Sidebar – this girl habitually worked herself and others into a frenzied state.  She often would need to be restrained.  She was destructive to property and pretty much anyone that got in her way when she went off.  It was very interesting that Barry was not responding to her behavior as if it was a threat to him.

Over the next few minutes she ran around the ring picking up anything she could and throwing it in the horse’s direction all the while screaming at Barry that she hated him, cursing at him, and calling him stupid.  Barry avoided every object thrown at him.  It was crazy to watch!  With every passing object he was slowing working his way closer to her – following her as she ran around the ring.  He would stop and stare a few times then he would move a few steps closer.  This new version of the dance continued until he was standing right on top of her.  She started to push him away but he pushed back into her.  Then the breakthrough happened.  She collapsed into his neck and mane and started to cry uncontrollably.  Again, I held onto my therapist’s arm and suggested we continue to wait it out on the sidelines.  My thoughts were that the “discussion” had been between the girl and Barry; not once had she directed her outburst toward us. I felt that Barry truly understood his role at this moment.

She moved her arms to go over Barry’s neck in a huge bear hug and literally transferred all her weight to Barry while crying.  Barry slowly lowered his head toward the ground and she ended up in a sitting position with Barry’s head over her shoulder and his mane catching the tears that were streaming down her face.  Barry stood over her shaking body like a statue and did not move for a few minutes.  When her crying had turned into quiet sobs he started to lift his neck and head up.  She was still hanging on his neck with a strong grip so he was picking her back up into a standing position.  He held her in a standing position for a few more minutes until we no longer heard any sobbing, but her head was still buried in his mane.  At that point Barry shook his neck and she dropped her arms and stepped back.  She continued to step back until she was about 10 feet away from him.  Barry maintained eye contact with her and both ears toward her and began to lick and chew with his mouth.  After what felt like forever she turn and looked at us for the first time that session and with tears in eyes she said, “He didn’t leave me, no matter what I did, he didn’t leave me.”  After that statement Barry put his head down and went back to grazing.  I looked at the therapist and said “go for it” and stepped back myself.  Barry had done his job- he did what no human could have ever done – he gave her the space and opportunity to break down the walls she had put up to keep people out and showed her that not everyone was going to leave her. 

The therapist was able to build on that session to get her to look at how she did the same behaviors with people in her life.  She turned a corner that day – with her now willing to change those thought patterns she was eventually adopted by a loving family.  But without Barry and without us there to hold that space for her to work with him, she might not have been able to reach that point on her own.